Forgotten Feelings
by XxXwickednessXxX
Summary: How could I love someone who only loved me because of some wolfy claim? How could I love someone who at one point loved my own mother? That had to make things a bit more awkward. Wasn’t he planning to kill me just a few seconds after I was born? JakexNess
1. Prologue

_Hmm..still working on this. Should I continue to the 1rst chapter? Anyways this is my first published story. ;) Be nice and review if you'd like._

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Jake. Jacob Black. My Jacob? ....No.

I was going to have to be with him for life - no matter what happened, and frankly, I felt a tiny bit uneasy about it. Nevertheless, what say did I have on this? He chose me, thus I was chosen; neither he nor I could do anything about it.

I know he had cared for me as a baby, became my playmate during my childhood and now Jake was the best friend every teenager needed, but he wanted to be more than that... And he won't be that person to me until far, far into the future, if ever. Mainly because I was truly unsure if he could be the figure he so cherished to be: my boyfriend, my husband, and – I shudder to think it, no matter how attractive he is – my lover. That intensified my anxiety and uneasiness ever more.

I don't think I'll ever be ready for him. I don't think my love will ever be enough for him, and he'd probably figure it out eventually. I do love Jacob - he's sweet, caring, charming, and most of all loving, but that was the imprinting crap talking, not me. How could I love someone who only loved me because of some wolfy claim? Especially when that claim was through nature, like an instinct, and not what he really thought.

If Jacob had never imprinted on me... He would have loved my mother, just as he did. He would have killed me, if those few short seconds of my memory were correct. That had to make things a bit more awkward. How could I love someone who at one point loved my own mother? Wasn't he planning to kill just a few seconds after I was born?

Loving someone who wanted me dead, then fell hopelessly 'in love' with me because Mother Nature told him to seemed impossible. Improbable. I could never understand it, but it made perfect sense to Jake.

_-Renesmee_


	2. Chapter 1: Sunday Afternoon

_Chapter 1, finally! :) I hope everyone likes it... *crosses fingers* lol._

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**Nessie's POV**

I cannot and will not say I was happy when I found out everything about Jake and I. Especially when Mom accidentally mentioned their relationship before I was born, but she didn't say many details because she wasn't really planning on ever letting me know about it. It still made me gag a little.

Something that made me not want to throw up but become upset was that Jacob was actually planning to kill me right after I was born. I didn't really _have_ to know that part; she could have just let that one slip by, along with that other slip about their 'relationship', but then again, it was my fault for bugging her about all this. I guess I got what I asked for.

Don't get me wrong though, I love Jacob. He was practically everything to me. I am positively sure I would die from an immediate heart attack if something ever happened to him. You can't blame me for this sort of behavior. However, he was permanently my Jacob and I was forever his. I could not tell you how excited I became when they all explained what imprinting really meant. I was even more thrilled to find out that Jacob and I would be together one day, but all that was all started to fade away quickly when I realized I would never be able to fall in love with a guy other than Jake. Knowing that I would never experience what normal people would experience during their lifetime made me envious. I know this sounds somewhat ironic, but think about it.

Knowing who you'll marry ahead of time would obviously ruin the excitement of life's beauty. Not trying to sound selfish or anything... But, I don't want love handed to me that easily. I want to earn it, I want to live through it all, just how my mom did. I want the pain, the heartbreak, and the loss that makes you appreciate the good times even more.

However, I have no other options. All I have is Jacob - forever and ever. I'll never have a choice. The real him probably never even loved me. Well, I know he's in love with me, but that's only the imprinting stuff. Deep inside, the actual Jacob still lurked. Still hating me, still wanting me to die, still in love with my mother. The imprinting was the only thing keeping that from being exposed. I hoped I was wrong, I expected to _be _wrong and I hated him for making me feel unsure about it.

But, I should not even be having such doubts. The uncertainty of the certainty of it all was really annoying; I hated it so much, I hated him for making me feel like this. Not even the imprinting crap could cover that sort of hatred, not this feeling.

I took time off from the book I was reading to glare at him for a moment while he surfed through the TV's channels. I sat quietly, not saying a single word on the opposite side of the sofa, the house was vacant. Everyone had gone off to play baseball as they normally did. I was always left behind since I wasn't as fast as they were. I would never be able to catch up with them in baseball, the only thing I was eligible to do was keep track of their scores, but I would rather read than do that.

He felt my eyes on him and shot me quick glance, grinning. "See something you like, Ness'?"

I narrowed my eyes at him and looked back at my book, but I didn't keep reading. "Aw... I didn't mean that. C'mon." When I ignored him, he prodded me further. "What's bothering you, Nessie?"

"You know exactly what's_ bothering _meJacob, so don't even ask me that again."

"Still pissed? I thought you would have gotten over it by now."

"I obviously haven't, so why are you here? Don't you have better things to do than just waste away on my couch?"

He shrugged. "Thought I'd give you some company, that's all."

"Unwanted company" I muttered under my breath.

"C'mon get over it already. I honestly don't even know why this is making you so upset."

Oh my _gosh_, he honestly did not know! Did Jacob seriously not understand what the situation had made me realize? I quickly let it go; it was not worth the shouting and yelling.

"Why don't you make yourself useful and answer these questions I've been waiting to ask. You know it would light up my day… Partially." I tempted. Hopefully he would, he just had to. Mom had refused to answer any of these questions and I was just dying to know.

Jake studied my face cautiously. "Depends, what sort of questions?"

"I was thinking mainly on your relationship with mom? When exactly were you planning on telling me about this?" I crossed my arms, frowning.

He groaned. "How the hell did you find out about that?"

"Mom might have let it slip out. Weren't you going to tell me about it one day - because this is _huge_."

He raised his eyebrows. "Hell no. I don't even know why Bella even brought it up. We both agreed to never talk about it again."

"Why not?" My frown deepened and my fists balled up frustratedly.

"Maybe because it's none of your business." Jacob wasn't making eye contact with me anymore… Was he blushing?

"Oh come on, I'm curious! I won't get mad or anything. Don't you think your future wife deserves to know?" I pleaded.

His eyes widened. "The answer is still no, I thought you were still uncomfortable about that…topic."

Looking away, I mumbled quietly. "I'll answer your questions, if you answer mine."

Jake was quiet for a minute; the silence was starting to make me nervous. "Okay fine, you go first, but nothing too personal alright?"

"That was never part of the deal." I grinned devilishly.

"Well I guess it's a win, win." He snickered, satisfied.

I cracked my knuckles. "We'll see, then, won't we?"

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_Reviews always make me happy! :D & helps me write quicker *hints*_

_Again give thanks to **the** best beta reader, puppygirl.98_


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